In the last article, we talked about how parents sometimes hold their kids back from challenges — and how that can affect their confidence to do hard things.

But there is a balance.

Not enough challenge and they never grow. Too much too soon and they may start believing they’re not capable.

So naturally parents ask:

Some parents hear the message about challenging their kids and take it too far. They jump levels too quickly and throw their wrestler into the deep end before they’re ready.

When that happens, the opposite problem can occur.

The wrestler starts doubting their abilities. They can even get used to losing because even when they try their hardest, they still fall short.

And just like physical skills, mental habits form too.

You don’t want kids building habits of avoiding challenges. But you also don’t want them to get numb and feel helpless.

The goal is progressive challenges.

Challenge → adapt → find harder challenges → adapt again.

There’s a study out there that says people learn best when they succeed about 85% of the time.

Too easy and effort drops. Too hard and people quit.

Think about lifting weights. If the bar is too light, nothing changes. If it’s too heavy, you can’t lift it.

Growth requires a manageable amount of struggle.

But wrestling doesn’t work as neatly as that theory.

In a tournament with full brackets, 25% of wrestlers will go 0-2. Add byes and that number can be even 50%.

Yes, I know. The math is crazy. But someone has to lose.

So waiting for the perfect event where your wrestler wins 85% of their matches isn’t realistic.

Parents often worry about their child losing too much because it will affect their confidence.

But confidence actually comes in two forms:

The first is outcome-based confidence. This comes from proof — wins, medals, and seeing your training pay off. That kind of confidence can help kids buy into the process.

But it’s fragile. If confidence only comes from winning, it can disappear the moment competition gets harder.

The second is process-based confidence.

This is the belief that you can handle hard things — wrestle through tough positions, adjust after mistakes, and bounce back after losses.

This is the confidence that lasts.

Both have a place.

Winning can build belief. But the deepest confidence comes from learning that you can handle challenges.

I hate to say it, but there isn’t a perfect formula

A healthy development path usually includes a mix of competition levels.

If I was forced to put numbers to it, it might look something like this:

Once a wrestler starts consistently winning around 65–70% of their matches, it’s time to start investigating the next level.

Test a regional event or a smaller national event. One where they might win closer to 40–60%.

That’s where growth happens.

They lose enough to expose gaps, but still feel like they belong.

The goal is that it makes them feel motivated to try again and improve.

Then train, adapt, and slowly climb again.

But still mix in some events at the original level. The tournaments that once felt hard start to feel easy and they start hitting above 85% or even undefeated.

Then the cycle repeats.

But wrestling development is rarely this clean.

Sometimes you jump levels and go 0-2.

That doesn’t always mean it was a mistake. Sometimes that can be exactly what your wrestler needed.

It exposes them to what the next level feels like and can make them hungry to compete and win at that level.

1. Are they winning easily and no longer being challenged? If so, it’s probably time to seek tougher matches.

2. Are they losing constantly and starting to believe they can’t compete? If so, they may need more time building skills and confidence where they are.

Most wrestlers grow best somewhere in the middle — where matches are competitive, they win some, lose some, and leave with things they want to improve.

Not all kids go 0-2 at a tournament and come back with a fire lit.

Some leave thinking they aren’t good enough to compete. Others are comfortable winning where they are and don’t want to risk losing.

The difference between wrestlers who grow from tough experiences and those who regress often comes down to the mindset they bring going into the challenge.

If a kid already believes they can’t compete, your first job isn’t to force them into tougher events. Your first job is to help them believe they can.

The wrestler has to be bought in. They need to understand — and want — the process of challenging themselves.

If you want to encourage them to step up, help them explore their “why”. Why are they wrestling in the first place? If they don’t see the value in getting uncomfortable in order to grow, it’s hard to force it.

And that inspiration often doesn’t come from parents. Sometimes it comes from a teammate, a coach they respect, or an older wrestler they look up to.

Real growth happens when a wrestler is fighting to win every position — even if they lose the match.

In those moments they’re learning how to handle nerves, physical pressure, faster reactions, and tougher opponents.

But if a kid is competing only because they feel forced, their brain is solving a different problem.

Instead of learning wrestling, they’re thinking:

And that mindset limits development.

Real growth only happens when the wrestler wants to solve the challenge in front of them.

Winning feels great. And yes — it can make wrestlers feel confident.

But the deeper confidence wrestling builds isn’t about the scoreboard.

It comes from knowing you can step into hard situations, fight through them, and improve.

Helping kids build that kind of confidence is the real goal.